Text Messaging - The Old Fashioned Way

Dear Citizens:

I'm very lucky to have 15 terrific nieces and nephews. They're growing up quickly or in some cases already adults. We do our best to stay in touch. This sometimes requires technology beyond my abilities.

A couple of days ago I received a text message from my beautiful, big-hearted, and soulful 18-year-old niece Melissa. She lives outside Atlanta and texted an "I Love You" surrounded by a heart. Aw.

Short and sweet with a fun graphic - totally within current texting rules and etiquette. (Of course, I don't know how to replicate it for demonstration purposes.) However, she has a wacky e-mail address with a bunch of underscores and "yo's" and I can never make it work. We've talked about this in the past.

I responded or attempted to respond (see below) and after our exchange, I realized I'm a terrible text messenger or whatever the term is. I don't like code words and trying to hit tiny characters. The real issue is I choose not to abbreviate and cannot under any circumstance be brief. It's not in my nature (and why my Indian Ya Ya name is "Babbling Brook.") Go ahead. You try to text something meaningful in less than 160 characters! Plus the only "graphics" I know are periods and question marks.

Anyway, I've decided to revise my text response to Melissa to meet current text language standards (for persons under 40).

Old Text: "You, too sweetheart. I still get delivery failure when I e-mail you. When you have a chance e-mail me at citizenb and I'll save your address. Sorry I'm a corky aunt."

(Then I noticed my iPhone SMS took it upon itself to change my intended word "dorky" to "corky." )

"Make that corky." (It did it again!)

"D O R K Y" (I finally outsmarted it.)

Melissa: "Lol i love you and yep i will email you when I get home =)"

Revised Text: "U2 sweet<3. I stil gt mail-Dubya wen I emsg u. Wen UV a chnc emsg me @citizenb n Il save yr ADD. Sry I'm a corkus aunt."

"Mk tht corkus"

"D O R K U S" (definition below)

Now you know why I will never be employed as a Native American code talker. This career is obviously not my colored parachute and will be marked off my list along with underwater pipe-fitter and millionaire match-maker.

Anyway, I guess text messaging is here to stay at least until a new mobile technology takes over. At some point we will never need to speak to or touch another living being again. We can marry our handheld devices and be artificially inseminated with turkey basters. There will be no need for deodorant or breath mints.

Until then we must be aware of the reported dangers of text messaging: texting while driving, textwalking, broken thumb syndrome, drunk texting (TUI), text addiction and withdrawal, and underage sexting. What about losing IQ points, forgetting (or never learning) formal English, not to mention turning 12-year-olds into promiscuous bullies and brats?

Blame Japan where it all started - or Canada.

As an iPhone user and loving CitizenAunt of many, yes, I'll continue to text - the old fashioned & d o r k u s way. And now with interoffice instant messaging a daily requirement, I'll have to work on that skill.

Question? Is it okay to agree on a subject with a co-worker by responding "Cool Beans! + :@)"?

Too enthusiastic? Thought so.

CitizenB

Definition of Dorkus: "Someone who is dorky but just doesn't care that he/she is a dork, thus making them very cool in the eyes of other dorkii."