Anger Management

Dear Citizens,

For once, we're united - in anger. Shock, dismay, disbelief, outrage, irritation to the nth degree - just to name a few reactions to the financial crisis. Let's face it - our financial institutions have failed us, excuse me - robbed us. Bailouts, bonuses, derivatives, double-dipping trading partners, falling stocks, foreclosures, securities fraud, unemployment, etc. The list goes on and on. At a minimum, the big cheeses have committed gross negligence. So much for Sarbanes-Oxley and other lessons not learned from Enron.

No man, woman or child is escaping this meltdown. Therefore, anger - large scale anger (the scary kind) - is the only logical conclusion.

The outrage has lead to armed guards stationed in upscale Connecticut neighborhoods where AIG executives live and play golf. It has led to Congress going all atwitter and absolutely nuts - more nuts than usual. If they only had real balls and could ever see the big picture. It has led to John Stewart blasting Jim Cramer and CNBC for playing along with the hedge fund game. Even our comic relief has been invaded by anger.

What to do? I don't believe there are enough anger management books in current publication to go around. Don't you know that Dr. Phil and other Dr. Phil wannabes are going to take full advantage of our misery and publish a few new books in the next 30 days? Just the thought of Dr. Phil pisses me off so I don't see his so-called self-help shtick helping.

Here are a few anger management suggestions:

1. Admit we are angry. Hint, hint President Obama.

2. Take the top 100 financial evil-doers , foreclose on all of their mortgages/sell their houses in The Hamptons and force them to live in public housing for 18 years - in Detroit.

3. Scratch the planned $300M George W. Bush Presidential Center and "Freedom" Institute. Take the tax-deductible donations and build an Early Education Center on 25 acres of SMU land. Enlist Cheney as janitor and George W. as groundskeeper. Cheney deserves to scrub toilets, and we all know how well George W. clears brush. They could learn something from the four-year-olds about how to play well with others and to obey rules.

As for small things you can do to alleviate anger and regain control, try these:

1. Throw darts at photos of geeky insurance executives.
2. Burn tax returns and records (older than 7 years) - yes, I am a rebel.
3. Engage the entire family in meditation including teaching your cat the lotus position.
4. Pretend to be Survivor Man.
5. If all else fails, slam kitchen cabinet doors - it has always worked for my Mother.

Seriously, let's focus on turning a negative into a positive. For starters, we can convert our anger into wind energy or another clean fuel technology. I don't know about you, but when I'm mad, there's a lot of whirling and twirling. This leads me to believe there's a way to channel our adrenaline and eliminate the need for Middle East oil. One crisis fixes another! It's the American Way.

CitizenB