Fellow Citizens:
Happy Monday to all! Well, Halloween is over and we’re moving on to a really big day – November 4. I would love to see photos of your kids or grandchildren or any kid, for that matter, in costumes. We had our usual stampede of trick-or-treaters and they were all really cute and surprisingly well-mannered. Very few snotty noses and sticky hands. One boy of about 10 was carting around a black kitten dressed as a devil. He said that he found the cat abandoned in an alley covered in ants and decided to rescue him. The cat (named something like Desperado) didn’t seem to mind trick-or-treating and I really had to hold back on not bartering for the cat with a bowl full of “airheads” candy.
Here’s the latest entry from the weekend:
My Obsession with Pop Culture, Dreams & The Vote
A few weeks ago I happened to watch a new TV sitcom starring the guy who played Bob Sugar (actor Jay Mohr), Tom Cruise’s sports agent rival in ‘Jerry Maguire.’ When Tom Cruise is involved, I always root for the rival or enemy, no matter how despicable and even if it means the world will explode. Besides, Bob Sugar didn’t have the ridiculous line “You complete me” so he’s my hero.
Bob Sugar as ‘Gary, Unmarried’ is much beefier now and barely recognizable as Bob Sugar. He and the other actors on the show also have badly capped teeth. The teeth are distracting which may be a good thing. Plus the show needs a new wardrobe person. And a hair-stylist. Anyway, one line in the show caught my attention. Gary-Bob-Jay, a house painter, and his ex-wife, a clone of every other 30-something brunette actress on TV, disclose that a) he has a new, much younger and way hotter girlfriend (played by a former super model..oh, sure supermodels always date house painters – wait didn’t John Cougar Mellencamp snag one? Nevermind), and b) she is engaged to be married to none other than their former marriage counselor/therapist (Ed Begley Jr.) When Gary-Bob-Jay encounters Ed Begley Jr. he states something along the lines of “I don’t know what’s worse; you hooking up with my ex-wife or making me keep a dream journal.”
A dream journal. An Ed Begley Jr. type has never suggested that I keep one, but you guessed it, I actually keep a dream journal (surprise). I dream a lot. All the time. I’m a dreamer.
Of course, this led me to think about dreams. What do they mean? Do they serve a purpose? Do we really act on them? Why do I journal them?
I’ll first address day dreams, and in my case, a likely symptom of attention deficit disorder. My favorite day dream is where I’m a young Ava Gardner (without all the marriages, specifically to Mickey Rooney/Andy Hardy, although it’s weird because I’m married to an Andy and he is slightly taller than Mickey Rooney..I love you, honey, all 5’7’’of you.) In Ava mode, I travel the world and it’s so easy! No matter where I go, I’m always dressed in a white sundress and heels, wearing Ray Bans, and carrying a vintage suitcase (round, also white, no wheels). I exit the plane outdoors in beautiful, smog-free weather (no suffocating jet bridges). Unlike in real life, I never trip, stumble, break a nail while fumbling with my luggage (black, basic, Samsonite) or forget to place all 3 oz containers of liquids into FAA regulation quart size Ziploc bags for separate screening. I’m permanently on vacation and drive around exotic locations in a convertible. I’m never too cold or too hot, layers are not required, and I’m always splendidly happy. Fortunately and unlike in other women’s dreams, Fabio never shows up. The Italian Stud and his fake butter…what kind of a fantasy is that? Give me Colin Firth and extra virgin olive oil any day!
Next are the dreams that occur while sleeping…always vivid (and utterly strange) with an occasional nightmare. I know there are scientific theories about R.E.M. and overactive neurotransmitters, as well as the effect of external stimuli (too much TV) and mood (usually irritable). What about snoring as a stimulus? I wonder if snoring affects your dreams or just the dreams of the person in bed next to you. This may explain why Andy never dreams. Regarding that topic, I’m sorry, but I’m not giving up my uvula (look it up) in order to correct my snoring disorder/poorly constructed throat.
Moving on. I’m also aware of an entire industry devoted to dream interpretation because several years ago I became concerned about the recurrence of snakes and pickles in my dreams. In one recurring dream, I climb a glass staircase filled with pickles. I was relieved to learn from a dream interpretation source that snakes and pickles are not necessarily bad omens and most likely a representation of my struggle to overcome a world of male-dominance.
As a country, we obviously need more scientific research in this area. I fully expect a legislator (possibly one with a Wiccan constituency) to add this as pork to a health care bill or possibly carve out as an entitlement. It will cost a fortune but at least I, and others like me, will no longer fear or try to trample pickles.
We’ve all had dreams about going to work naked (or discovering you’re naked at work), forgetting your locker combination, being chased by ninjas, searching unsuccessfully for a clean, operational bathroom (when you really, really need to go), driving at night without headlights, traveling in airplanes that taxi forever and never take off (the wings just fold up) and reuniting with dead relatives, among other common themes.
I’ve had all those dreams, multiple times. My deceased grandfathers show up on occasion looking like Abe Lincoln (PaPa) and Jason Robards (Grannin). Once I attended the Grammy Awards (or it could have been the American Music Awards – the fashion on the red carpet was atrocious!) with my grandmother (looked just like MeMa, bless her, and not the Queen Mother – but close). She wore a red corsage and I wore a black pant suit (even in my dreams I’m fashion-challenged!) but with a red blouse unbuttoned and revealing a white undergarment (a very risqué cotton Playtex). Also, an occasional “celebrity” appears. Some of the better known celebrities in my dreams are Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (don’t ask), Daryl Hannah, and Suzanne Pleshette (why?)
A strange thing occurred with the Pleshette dream. I hadn’t though of her (at least consciously) in decades and for some unknown reason she appeared in my dream from January 13, 2008. In the dream, I hitched a ride with Ms. Pleshette and her elderly father (possibly a ghost because I could poke my finger through him) in their luxury SUV after walking barefoot on blistering hot pavement after my car broke down and other sorted misadventures. As a Good Samaritan, Suzanne gave me a lift to Houston where I was to visit a cave. Her father, the ghost, talked nonstop about “back in the day” and the high plains.
One week later on January 20, I was fully awake and reading the Sunday newspaper. There it was – an obit “Suzanne Pleshette, Actress Who Played Bob Newhart’s TV Wife Dies.” I believe the Ancient Egyptians would have appreciated the spookiness of that dream (and many others) and possibly mummified me in a special pyramid. But at another time and place, I might have been burned at the stake. To preserve the evidence, I pasted a copy of the obit next to my journal entry in case a future anthropologist is desperate for material.
We all know how difficult it is to put work out of your mind. A couple of memorable dreams involved the office. In one, I went into labor on my desk while my co-workers stood around chain smoking and waiting for the baby’s head to crown, at least I hope it was a baby and not a four volume claim file, and in the other, I had to keep my combo desk/treadmill going at 6 mph (at an incline!) in order to feed correspondence into a special transmission slot to the home office to meet productivity objectives. At one point I collapsed from exhaustion and slipped off the back of the desk/treadmill. An unidentified co-worker wearing a skirt and matching head/sweatband jumped on as an assist. We were all giving each other high fives at the end of the day. Teamwork! I woke up feeling okay and a pound lighter!
I frequently dream about animals (other than snakes). Once I had two black cats as pets, Zoe and Biggs, both adopted strays. Zoe went missing one cold December morning and I was very worried about what happened to her. Andy’s theory was that a Great Horned Owl swept down from atop the flagpole on Flag Pole Hill on to the greenbelt and carried her away. I refused to believe it and dreamt that I was driving down a deserted service road and came across Zoe walking along carrying a bindle over her shoulder. I quickly opened the car door and she jumped in apparently having had enough of life as a hobo cat. Zoe was covered in red marks and had a very bad cough. Back at home, she and Biggs did not immediately recognize each other and a small cat fight broke out. Biggs, the top cat, then sat up on his hind legs (much like a baboon) and allowed Zoe to burrow her head into his chest. He began to lick her injured head. It was a touching reunion but unfortunately just a dream. The Great Horned Owl never returned Zoe. Please know that we did everything to locate that darn cat even though she was wild and horribly bad-mannered. Even when she scratched our faces (while simultaneously purring) we chose to believe that she was misunderstood (cat bi-polar) and needed love.
Occasionally in my dreams, I will rescue a neglected baby and then do a terrible job of feeding it all the wrong things. I also need to be rescued quite frequently. Once a priest helped me downstairs from my old apartment on Beltline Road (I still had a key and tried to hide there) and across a bloody riot scene (too gruesome to describe) to the safety of a high school football field where a marching band was playing “Everybody Dance Now!” Thankfully, the priest was not played by Tom Cruise. That would have been a legitimate nightmare.
Last, but not least, and because this entry comes on the eve of a historic election, a dream that comes to mind is the ‘American Dream’ (maybe I should insert ‘my friends’ for political non-effect.) Yes, I believe that it exists. History tells me so. When we get frustrated and worried about the state of the union (all with good reason) just remember that we have freedom and opportunity or at least freedom to create some kind of opportunity. We can’t be complacent, take things for granted and expect all to be great. Now’s the time to step up, reevaluate our priorities and contribute (I may have to give up my pop culture obsession for the greater good). Giving of ourselves will get us through.
Remember your vote (and dreams) count.
Have a great week!
CitizenB
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Sweaters & Self-Discovery
Fellow Citizens:
This morning the cooler temperature precipitated a question that hasn’t come up for months. Do I own a suitable sweater (one that fits), and if so, where to look? First, I took a gander into my abyss of a closet, and found a barricade of mostly black shoes preventing me from stepping more than a toe into the 'space'. After climbing atop a pile of shoe debris and balancing one foot on the heel of a short boot and the other on a flip-flop (strangely, it gave me a weird sensation, of well, being graceful, moments before certain peril, I imagine much like the feeling many mountain climbers have when reaching the summit), I half-heartedly attempted to search the far reaches of the black hole (where sweaters might be). I gave up and decided to inspect the upstairs closets where the 'off-season' clothing lives thinking my chances would be slightly better for not breaking an ankle or losing an eye to a wayward wire hanger. In the unlikely event you're worried about how I get dressed every day, the clothes I wear over and over are all within a muscle spasm-arm reach of the closet doorway - no entry required.
First I checked the guest room closets and found only hundreds maybe thousands of men’s coats/jackets (another subject, but remind me to tell you about the time I was forced to retrieve one of Andy's jackets after I'd donated it to a coat drive for homeless/really cold people!), a couple of swimsuit cover ups, vacation T-shirts, a bridesmaid dress, and other items that are not considered real clothes. While thinking that Andy, on one of his manic cleaning sprees, must have chucked all my winter clothes along with other miscellaneous valuables – as he has done in the past with my roosting chicken salt & peppers(!!), bagel-slicer(!), salad shooter (eh..), and very un-'juicy' teal velour track suit (okay; it needed to go) - I decided to check out the storage area for really old clothing and other keepsakes, including my collection of Thomas McKnight jigsaw puzzles - or the large walk-in closet located between Andy’s Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired office and the bathroom with the 80’s pastel blue country calico wallpaper.
Fortunately, this closet is wide and shallow unlike the abyss, with way better lighting because the 'green' light bulbs haven't made their way to the forgotten upstairs (I'll get to that next year, Planet Earth); and the blockade of storage bins, file boxes and baskets doesn’t prevent me from looking at four decades of random clothing (from the waist up) that has somehow managed to avoid Goodwill Industries. To the left, I see Andy’s 3-piece Austin Reed 1979 wedding suit from the young men's department at Gabriel's (Mr. Triumph Bonneville! doesn't realise he was an Anglophile way back), my blue puffy coat circa 1974, the crocheted sweater crafted by 'Granny George' back in my 1980-1987 Sentry Insurance days (Georgia was the office mascot/file clerk who told dirty jokes well into her 80s - I miss you, Granny George, and I wish you were still alive because I need you (filing emergency), I really need you (lack of corny jokes)!, and assorted dresses, suits, blouses and pants, including my first pair of CK jeans, “nothing comes between me and my Calvins” from 1981. Remember when Oprah starved herself to fit into her Calvins and wheeled a wagon of lard representing her fat loss on stage? I promise I won’t do that. However, I can’t promise that my eyebrows will never resemble Brooke Shields’ (see example below -my brows are about to take flight).
To the far right of the closet, I finally discovered my Ralph Lauren sweater coat and other new-ish, possibly suitable (less than 10 years old) winter clothes. I grabbed an armful and attempted to pull across the plastic storage bin full of really important stuff like old wrapping paper situated under the baskets of photo album rejects (okay; not the best storage system). A clothing/wicker jam ensued and as I untangled the hangers, I noticed a photo of really big hair peeking out of the photo reject basket. Curious and easily distracted, I pulled out a stack of 'Glamour Shots' from the mid-80s, including the most ridiculously scary “1-900” photo ever taken. God never intended this wholesome baby face to look seductive (the look the 'photographer' was going for) and I was obviously uncomfortable with the full length black gloves, bare shoulders, red lipstick, and clip-on rhinestone earrings. The other poses were just as bad – my really big hair in a black leather jacket, gold studded denim, emerald green lame' shrouded tube top - all while looking a bit like a nauseous Marie Osmond, years before her totally publicity-driven fainting spell on DWTS.
Also, for the record, Donny O = gross, and to think that as an 11 year old I used to plead with him when he chirped "Go away, Little Girl." So sad, but our Tiger Beat options were severely limited in the early 70's. Thankfully he soon was replaced in my heart by the very talented Robbie Benson, who didn't sing, at least that I know of. God I hope not.
Getting back to the photo reject, I showed Andy the "1-900" discovery and his response was similar to mine, of course without all the babbling, and with the addition of "You can see there was a good-looking girl in there, somewhere." My husband knows how to give a compliment!
Curious: Do 1-900 numbers still exist or have they been replaced by the internet? (No answer required)
Anyway, all of this got me thinking that in the 80’s I was quite the fashion risk-taker. Of course it helped that I was in my 20’s, a size 7/9, and shopped in the junior department for most of the decade. I wore a lot of actual “outfits” and despite its reputation as one of the worst decades ever (it's all your fault, Boy George), I dare say I looked really cute in assorted ensembles (and nothing like the above - much). As a young career woman, I wore lots of suits with pencil skirts and flower pins, silk, linen and sweater dresses, both wide and skinny belts, ruffled blouses, scarfs and ties, colors other than black etc. Like most women, I actually wore slips and lacy camisoles... and the occasional glove! I had an entire drawer assigned to L'eggs panty hose (control top/sandal toe in jet black) and another to shoulder pads of all sizes. One good thing about wearing shoulder pads: you were never lonely in that there was always a presence of another person standing just beside you. I believe I may have carried on a conversation or two with my shoulder pads. A shoulder pad could be a really good friend in a pinch. You could cry on your own shoulder - no problem. They certainly increased my self-esteem - and ability to defend myself in a dark alley.
I've decided “business casual” or nearly 30 years in the insurance industry has ruined my sense of fashion risk-taking and feminine style. That or it’s more difficult to be fashion-forward as someone who resembles a size 12/14 Buddha with long legs. It’s now all about separates - black pants (no pleats), Gap cotton/spandex tanks, starched Liz Claiborne shirts, and genuine Jockey. Functional. Boring. But not naked.
So today after my closeted walk down 80’s lane, I was inspired to wear an “outfit” – well, really a black skirt (kind of faded), black leggings, black clunky heels , and a fashionable sweater - black and gray - that is if Kohl’s sells actual fashion (step it up, Daisy Fuentes!) with silver earrings - you know, to match the gray. I would have preferred Escada or a power-campaign suit from Saks or Neiman Marcus, but hey, I don’t have a political party to bankroll my wardrobe!
Okay. You're probably wondering (or not) about the self-discovery part. Well, I discovered:
a) Shoulder pads, not just hard work, made my career,
b) Like all women, there's an urge to play dress up even if you look ridiculous and IT'S OKAY as long as you don't rely on a 'business manager' (a/k/a Heidi Fleiss) and earn cash that way,
c) if you ignore things long enough (ie; upstairs bathroom wallpaper) they come back in style (if you don't believe me check out the calico/gingham in Marc Jacobs' Spring 2009 Collection), and
d) I might be turning into Granny George. In 20 years, I'll still be working in an insurance office wearing that crocheted sweater and L'eggs support hose. On the flip side, my Calvins (with an added elastic waistband for comfort) will probably fit due to osteoporosis. Finally!
Seriously, I was reminded that it is all about self-confidence - something I was sorely lacking at that 1980-something 'Glamour, schlamour" shoot. If you think you look good, you will look good. Lift your head, pull back your shoulders (padded or not), and most importantly suck in your gut. Remember always to squint when looking in the mirror. You'll look thinner.
Lastly,I’m taking applications for closet clutter counselors (closeted, optional), bathroom wallpaper-ers, and wannabe Project 'Size L' Runway fashion designers to create my new look for 2009. Only the fearless need apply. If there are any unemployed S.W.A.T. team members out there (Mr. T?) fax your resume pronto.
If you are not interested in applying, I would still love to hear from you, so if you have time when not working, please call, write, blog! I really need to know that I'm not the only "1-900" Glamour Shot out there.
CitizenB
P.S. I was able to rescue the s & p chickens and bagel-slicer before trash day. Take that, Mr. Anglophile Jacket Collector!
This morning the cooler temperature precipitated a question that hasn’t come up for months. Do I own a suitable sweater (one that fits), and if so, where to look? First, I took a gander into my abyss of a closet, and found a barricade of mostly black shoes preventing me from stepping more than a toe into the 'space'. After climbing atop a pile of shoe debris and balancing one foot on the heel of a short boot and the other on a flip-flop (strangely, it gave me a weird sensation, of well, being graceful, moments before certain peril, I imagine much like the feeling many mountain climbers have when reaching the summit), I half-heartedly attempted to search the far reaches of the black hole (where sweaters might be). I gave up and decided to inspect the upstairs closets where the 'off-season' clothing lives thinking my chances would be slightly better for not breaking an ankle or losing an eye to a wayward wire hanger. In the unlikely event you're worried about how I get dressed every day, the clothes I wear over and over are all within a muscle spasm-arm reach of the closet doorway - no entry required.
First I checked the guest room closets and found only hundreds maybe thousands of men’s coats/jackets (another subject, but remind me to tell you about the time I was forced to retrieve one of Andy's jackets after I'd donated it to a coat drive for homeless/really cold people!), a couple of swimsuit cover ups, vacation T-shirts, a bridesmaid dress, and other items that are not considered real clothes. While thinking that Andy, on one of his manic cleaning sprees, must have chucked all my winter clothes along with other miscellaneous valuables – as he has done in the past with my roosting chicken salt & peppers(!!), bagel-slicer(!), salad shooter (eh..), and very un-'juicy' teal velour track suit (okay; it needed to go) - I decided to check out the storage area for really old clothing and other keepsakes, including my collection of Thomas McKnight jigsaw puzzles - or the large walk-in closet located between Andy’s Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired office and the bathroom with the 80’s pastel blue country calico wallpaper.
Fortunately, this closet is wide and shallow unlike the abyss, with way better lighting because the 'green' light bulbs haven't made their way to the forgotten upstairs (I'll get to that next year, Planet Earth); and the blockade of storage bins, file boxes and baskets doesn’t prevent me from looking at four decades of random clothing (from the waist up) that has somehow managed to avoid Goodwill Industries. To the left, I see Andy’s 3-piece Austin Reed 1979 wedding suit from the young men's department at Gabriel's (Mr. Triumph Bonneville! doesn't realise he was an Anglophile way back), my blue puffy coat circa 1974, the crocheted sweater crafted by 'Granny George' back in my 1980-1987 Sentry Insurance days (Georgia was the office mascot/file clerk who told dirty jokes well into her 80s - I miss you, Granny George, and I wish you were still alive because I need you (filing emergency), I really need you (lack of corny jokes)!, and assorted dresses, suits, blouses and pants, including my first pair of CK jeans, “nothing comes between me and my Calvins” from 1981. Remember when Oprah starved herself to fit into her Calvins and wheeled a wagon of lard representing her fat loss on stage? I promise I won’t do that. However, I can’t promise that my eyebrows will never resemble Brooke Shields’ (see example below -my brows are about to take flight).
To the far right of the closet, I finally discovered my Ralph Lauren sweater coat and other new-ish, possibly suitable (less than 10 years old) winter clothes. I grabbed an armful and attempted to pull across the plastic storage bin full of really important stuff like old wrapping paper situated under the baskets of photo album rejects (okay; not the best storage system). A clothing/wicker jam ensued and as I untangled the hangers, I noticed a photo of really big hair peeking out of the photo reject basket. Curious and easily distracted, I pulled out a stack of 'Glamour Shots' from the mid-80s, including the most ridiculously scary “1-900” photo ever taken. God never intended this wholesome baby face to look seductive (the look the 'photographer' was going for) and I was obviously uncomfortable with the full length black gloves, bare shoulders, red lipstick, and clip-on rhinestone earrings. The other poses were just as bad – my really big hair in a black leather jacket, gold studded denim, emerald green lame' shrouded tube top - all while looking a bit like a nauseous Marie Osmond, years before her totally publicity-driven fainting spell on DWTS.
Also, for the record, Donny O = gross, and to think that as an 11 year old I used to plead with him when he chirped "Go away, Little Girl." So sad, but our Tiger Beat options were severely limited in the early 70's. Thankfully he soon was replaced in my heart by the very talented Robbie Benson, who didn't sing, at least that I know of. God I hope not.
Getting back to the photo reject, I showed Andy the "1-900" discovery and his response was similar to mine, of course without all the babbling, and with the addition of "You can see there was a good-looking girl in there, somewhere." My husband knows how to give a compliment!
Curious: Do 1-900 numbers still exist or have they been replaced by the internet? (No answer required)
Anyway, all of this got me thinking that in the 80’s I was quite the fashion risk-taker. Of course it helped that I was in my 20’s, a size 7/9, and shopped in the junior department for most of the decade. I wore a lot of actual “outfits” and despite its reputation as one of the worst decades ever (it's all your fault, Boy George), I dare say I looked really cute in assorted ensembles (and nothing like the above - much). As a young career woman, I wore lots of suits with pencil skirts and flower pins, silk, linen and sweater dresses, both wide and skinny belts, ruffled blouses, scarfs and ties, colors other than black etc. Like most women, I actually wore slips and lacy camisoles... and the occasional glove! I had an entire drawer assigned to L'eggs panty hose (control top/sandal toe in jet black) and another to shoulder pads of all sizes. One good thing about wearing shoulder pads: you were never lonely in that there was always a presence of another person standing just beside you. I believe I may have carried on a conversation or two with my shoulder pads. A shoulder pad could be a really good friend in a pinch. You could cry on your own shoulder - no problem. They certainly increased my self-esteem - and ability to defend myself in a dark alley.
I've decided “business casual” or nearly 30 years in the insurance industry has ruined my sense of fashion risk-taking and feminine style. That or it’s more difficult to be fashion-forward as someone who resembles a size 12/14 Buddha with long legs. It’s now all about separates - black pants (no pleats), Gap cotton/spandex tanks, starched Liz Claiborne shirts, and genuine Jockey. Functional. Boring. But not naked.
So today after my closeted walk down 80’s lane, I was inspired to wear an “outfit” – well, really a black skirt (kind of faded), black leggings, black clunky heels , and a fashionable sweater - black and gray - that is if Kohl’s sells actual fashion (step it up, Daisy Fuentes!) with silver earrings - you know, to match the gray. I would have preferred Escada or a power-campaign suit from Saks or Neiman Marcus, but hey, I don’t have a political party to bankroll my wardrobe!
Okay. You're probably wondering (or not) about the self-discovery part. Well, I discovered:
a) Shoulder pads, not just hard work, made my career,
b) Like all women, there's an urge to play dress up even if you look ridiculous and IT'S OKAY as long as you don't rely on a 'business manager' (a/k/a Heidi Fleiss) and earn cash that way,
c) if you ignore things long enough (ie; upstairs bathroom wallpaper) they come back in style (if you don't believe me check out the calico/gingham in Marc Jacobs' Spring 2009 Collection), and
d) I might be turning into Granny George. In 20 years, I'll still be working in an insurance office wearing that crocheted sweater and L'eggs support hose. On the flip side, my Calvins (with an added elastic waistband for comfort) will probably fit due to osteoporosis. Finally!
Seriously, I was reminded that it is all about self-confidence - something I was sorely lacking at that 1980-something 'Glamour, schlamour" shoot. If you think you look good, you will look good. Lift your head, pull back your shoulders (padded or not), and most importantly suck in your gut. Remember always to squint when looking in the mirror. You'll look thinner.
Lastly,I’m taking applications for closet clutter counselors (closeted, optional), bathroom wallpaper-ers, and wannabe Project 'Size L' Runway fashion designers to create my new look for 2009. Only the fearless need apply. If there are any unemployed S.W.A.T. team members out there (Mr. T?) fax your resume pronto.
If you are not interested in applying, I would still love to hear from you, so if you have time when not working, please call, write, blog! I really need to know that I'm not the only "1-900" Glamour Shot out there.
CitizenB
P.S. I was able to rescue the s & p chickens and bagel-slicer before trash day. Take that, Mr. Anglophile Jacket Collector!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Early Voting & Newspaper Political Endorsements
Fellow Citizens:
Reminder! Early voting begins Mon, 10/20 and ends Fri, 10/31. Election Day is Tues, 11/4.
As per usual habit on Sundays, I checked out the Dallas Morning News, Section P "Points" (I’ve renamed Section P-U), and was not at all surprised to find that the News endorsed McCain with this tag: "We Recommend John McCain's experienced courage for president." The DMN has supported Republican candidates for as long as I can remember. For some reason I still take this paper mainly because I can't live without the crossword (Section @#&!) or the one section that is impossible to find and the Sunday "Target" advertisement. My Dallas news of choice, The Times Herald, tanked many years ago. Also, for the record
The Dallas Observer (free alternative news) has too many weird personal ads like toasters trying to hook up with blenders and so on...
Back to the DMN and its lame-o recommendation (I knew it was coming). Some editorial excerpts:
"Mr. McCain offers the continuity, stability and sense of authority people want..” (Continuity...just what we need),
"...voters aren't electing a debater-in-chief" (They know their man sucketh),
"As inspiring as Mr. Obama's history-making presidential bid has been, it is risky to take a chance on an untried leader at this point in our history" (what? IMO, Obama shows more leadership ability in his little finger)
…and now for the DMN "disclaimer"...
"To be sure, a McCain vote also involves an element of risk. His bellicose temperament causes concern, chiefly about his impulsive judgment.” (Ya think?).
“ If this election was about congeniality and cool, Mr. Obama would easily prevail." (Condescending much?)
"But electing the president is not a popularity contest." (Someone please inform Palin of this)
"Mr. McCain has better policies." (Choke)
"He has more experience. And he has proven independence of mind". (Yes, we know about all that Maverick stuff.)
"In these tough times, John McCain is the right man for America." (Of note: There was NO MENTION OF PALIN at all...chickens!)
Reading this got me wondering about other major newspaper endorsements in this really BIG RED state, so I searched and found the following:
Houston Chronicle : Obama (He'll need Harris County's large vote)
San Antonio EN : McCain (A military center)
Austin Am-State : Obama (A place for real independent thinkers!)
Fort Worth Star-T : I couldn't find an endorsement today (so what are they thinking in Cowtown?)
Waco Tribune : "Just Vote" is the message. Excerpt: "...so after long, even painful, deliberation, we have decided to side with neither Obama nor McCain" (I don’t know what to think about that!)
Bryan/College Station
Eagle : Obama! (I'm proud to be the sister of an Aggie!..Isn’t that a bumper sticker?)
Lufkin Daily News : Obama (Excerpt: "Another consideration is that we should elect a president whose vice president would be ready to lead if, heaven forbid, the president was to die in office. We think Joe Biden's experience overwhelms Sarah Palin's limited appeal as a candidate who would instill confidence during a national crisis. At the end of the day, it's about how you and your family will fare — while still caring how your neighbor and the needy guy down the block is doing.")
Lubbock News : McCain (No help from the academics at Texas Tech)
Amarillo : McCain (no surprise...the last time I was in Amarillo for mediation it was totally male-dominated and old school, and as flat as a pancake, to boot.)
Corpus Christi : McCain (obviously to much sand in their ears)
Beaumont Enterprise : McCain (I'll never understand Beaumont)
Galveston : Clinton (Bill)....joking....I couldn't find an endorsement but their obvious primary focus is recovery from Hurricane Ike.
El Paso Times : I couldn't find an endorsement but that city's newspaper reports that Obama is pulling away from McCain. Really?
An interesting note about Dallas (from D Magazine)...a poll of District 108, the wealthiest part of Dallas reports that Obama leads. “The suburban vote has been the core of Republican strength in Texas.” Does this mean that the DMN editors live in the burbs and not Highland Park?
Also of major significance, 7-Eleven's coffee cup poll reports Obama won by a landslide (even in Texas)…let’s hope there is some meaning other than people (hopefully registered voters) like their coffee in blue cups.
In that I just can't stop...I checked wikipedia and found that of 121 newspaper/publications countrywide, 95 endorsed Obama and 26 McCain. The New Yorker, Esquire and Rolling Stone endorse Obama. No surprises there.
A sample of city newspapers for Obama: Seattle, Miami, Atlanta, St. Louis, Chicago (both Sun Times and Tribune), Los Angeles, Kansas City, Cleveland, Toledo, Orlando, Lexington, Sarasota (hi Cass!) and Dayton, OH. I didn’t really check out northeast cities or those in clearly blue states but I think one paper in New Hampshire may have endorsed McCain.
I mention Dayton because I'm traveling there (today) and thought in my off hours I might try to rally some of those undecided OH voters. I read somewhere that the OH dilemna is McCain's too old and Obama's untested. I'm not sure how that is specific to OH but I say McCain's too old and too well tested on many issues. On second thought, I'll probably lock myself in my deserted downtown hotel room and watch "Dancing with the Stars" or maybe “Chuck.” I’m not sure I want to see Cloris Leachman lose her wig again.
The other big news is that former Secretary of State Colin Powell endorses Obama. Even bigger is that single women support Obama because he's way hotter.
Signing off. Thanks for reading. Wish me luck in Dayton and have a great week!
CitizenB
Reminder! Early voting begins Mon, 10/20 and ends Fri, 10/31. Election Day is Tues, 11/4.
As per usual habit on Sundays, I checked out the Dallas Morning News, Section P "Points" (I’ve renamed Section P-U), and was not at all surprised to find that the News endorsed McCain with this tag: "We Recommend John McCain's experienced courage for president." The DMN has supported Republican candidates for as long as I can remember. For some reason I still take this paper mainly because I can't live without the crossword (Section @#&!) or the one section that is impossible to find and the Sunday "Target" advertisement. My Dallas news of choice, The Times Herald, tanked many years ago. Also, for the record
The Dallas Observer (free alternative news) has too many weird personal ads like toasters trying to hook up with blenders and so on...
Back to the DMN and its lame-o recommendation (I knew it was coming). Some editorial excerpts:
"Mr. McCain offers the continuity, stability and sense of authority people want..” (Continuity...just what we need),
"...voters aren't electing a debater-in-chief" (They know their man sucketh),
"As inspiring as Mr. Obama's history-making presidential bid has been, it is risky to take a chance on an untried leader at this point in our history" (what? IMO, Obama shows more leadership ability in his little finger)
…and now for the DMN "disclaimer"...
"To be sure, a McCain vote also involves an element of risk. His bellicose temperament causes concern, chiefly about his impulsive judgment.” (Ya think?).
“ If this election was about congeniality and cool, Mr. Obama would easily prevail." (Condescending much?)
"But electing the president is not a popularity contest." (Someone please inform Palin of this)
"Mr. McCain has better policies." (Choke)
"He has more experience. And he has proven independence of mind". (Yes, we know about all that Maverick stuff.)
"In these tough times, John McCain is the right man for America." (Of note: There was NO MENTION OF PALIN at all...chickens!)
Reading this got me wondering about other major newspaper endorsements in this really BIG RED state, so I searched and found the following:
Houston Chronicle : Obama (He'll need Harris County's large vote)
San Antonio EN : McCain (A military center)
Austin Am-State : Obama (A place for real independent thinkers!)
Fort Worth Star-T : I couldn't find an endorsement today (so what are they thinking in Cowtown?)
Waco Tribune : "Just Vote" is the message. Excerpt: "...so after long, even painful, deliberation, we have decided to side with neither Obama nor McCain" (I don’t know what to think about that!)
Bryan/College Station
Eagle : Obama! (I'm proud to be the sister of an Aggie!..Isn’t that a bumper sticker?)
Lufkin Daily News : Obama (Excerpt: "Another consideration is that we should elect a president whose vice president would be ready to lead if, heaven forbid, the president was to die in office. We think Joe Biden's experience overwhelms Sarah Palin's limited appeal as a candidate who would instill confidence during a national crisis. At the end of the day, it's about how you and your family will fare — while still caring how your neighbor and the needy guy down the block is doing.")
Lubbock News : McCain (No help from the academics at Texas Tech)
Amarillo : McCain (no surprise...the last time I was in Amarillo for mediation it was totally male-dominated and old school, and as flat as a pancake, to boot.)
Corpus Christi : McCain (obviously to much sand in their ears)
Beaumont Enterprise : McCain (I'll never understand Beaumont)
Galveston : Clinton (Bill)....joking....I couldn't find an endorsement but their obvious primary focus is recovery from Hurricane Ike.
El Paso Times : I couldn't find an endorsement but that city's newspaper reports that Obama is pulling away from McCain. Really?
An interesting note about Dallas (from D Magazine)...a poll of District 108, the wealthiest part of Dallas reports that Obama leads. “The suburban vote has been the core of Republican strength in Texas.” Does this mean that the DMN editors live in the burbs and not Highland Park?
Also of major significance, 7-Eleven's coffee cup poll reports Obama won by a landslide (even in Texas)…let’s hope there is some meaning other than people (hopefully registered voters) like their coffee in blue cups.
In that I just can't stop...I checked wikipedia and found that of 121 newspaper/publications countrywide, 95 endorsed Obama and 26 McCain. The New Yorker, Esquire and Rolling Stone endorse Obama. No surprises there.
A sample of city newspapers for Obama: Seattle, Miami, Atlanta, St. Louis, Chicago (both Sun Times and Tribune), Los Angeles, Kansas City, Cleveland, Toledo, Orlando, Lexington, Sarasota (hi Cass!) and Dayton, OH. I didn’t really check out northeast cities or those in clearly blue states but I think one paper in New Hampshire may have endorsed McCain.
I mention Dayton because I'm traveling there (today) and thought in my off hours I might try to rally some of those undecided OH voters. I read somewhere that the OH dilemna is McCain's too old and Obama's untested. I'm not sure how that is specific to OH but I say McCain's too old and too well tested on many issues. On second thought, I'll probably lock myself in my deserted downtown hotel room and watch "Dancing with the Stars" or maybe “Chuck.” I’m not sure I want to see Cloris Leachman lose her wig again.
The other big news is that former Secretary of State Colin Powell endorses Obama. Even bigger is that single women support Obama because he's way hotter.
Signing off. Thanks for reading. Wish me luck in Dayton and have a great week!
CitizenB
Friday, October 17, 2008
"I'm Not President Bush" - Are You Sure About That?
Fellow Citizens:
Hope all’s well.
My latest blog entry is as a result of the debate, my hyperactive mind, obsessive list-making, and lack of a life:
In last night’s debate, McCain’s one so-called good sound bite was “I’m not President Bush.” Well, you could've fooled me! While I believe that Palin has a lot of Bush characteristics, below is a list of McCain-Bush similarities. Of course, these are my opinions only and I’m just a regular person (a tree-hugging centrist leaning to the left) and as Jeane calls me “a blue chick living in a red state.” (hi, Jeane!)
Same narrow focus,
Same arrogant indifference,
Same sarcasm,
Same sputtering answers,
Same self-righteousness,
Same spoiled brat reactions (we’re how old?),
Same condescension (“I admire your eloquence but you just don’t understand” blah blah blah),
Same self-praise (in Bush’s case a probable sign of an inferiority complex)
Same smirky facial expressions (plus a lot of blinking not to mention that creepy smile),
Same waving the patriotic flag a little too much,
Same “it’s my way or the highway” approach,
Same questionable judgment in selecting running mates (a total understatement),
Same son of privilege trying to prove his value and live up to a family legacy,
Same too much desperation to be President,
Same quick fix offers with no real substance (sure, I can balance a trillion dollar deficit (once a surplus just 8 short years ago) and give you energy independence and health care in 4 short years, with tax cuts for all, all while continuing and/or starting a few wars! I’ll get ‘em!)
Same empty promises (see above),
Same view of use (abuse) of executive power (ditto for Palin and First Dude Palin),
Same “sweetheart” deals gone wrong,
Same alignment on the economy, Iraq and health care (all disastrous),
Same “let’s boost education by competition but not pay for it”,
Same support for appointment of ultra-conservative justices,
Same view against the constitutional right of choice for women (even more so than Bush - scary),
Same skewed view of women ala 1960, (Palin a role model for all women? In what decade? On what planet?)
Same support for tax cuts for the wealthy,
And last but not least,
Same trust in Phil Gramm (nuff said!) in matters of the economy including credit swaps, derivatives and all other disastrous deregulation of finance that has caused us to crash and burn.
Gosh. I’m surprised the list was that long. I really don’t want to spew the negative but I believe that McCain has sold out on a lot of issues just to get elected and he certainly is not the same 2000 “maverick-y” McCain (not that I would have voted for him then – I love you, Al Gore even if you’re incredibly boring). This country needs SIGNIFICANT change and IMO, Obama clearly has what it takes - plus a lot less irritating personal traits. Considering the mess we’ve gotten into (all while Bush has been vacationing in Crawford for the last 4 years) it’s going to take a lot of energy, focus, diplomacy, intelligence, realistic solutions, sacrifice, fairness, and emphasis on education (where it all starts), health care and other basic rights and responsibilities. We’ve got to get it right at home before we go out “liberating” others. We can’t act or fail to act based on fear.
Some of you may disagree in part or whole, but thanks for allowing me to get this off my chest.
I’ll stop now.
P.S. Joe the Plumber is faring okay…much better than most…there is real poverty in this country…so I don’t feel too bad if he can’t afford a bass boat.
Speaking of “Joes”…for the record, I never want to hear the term “Joe Six-Pack” again. We can do better than that.
Vote Obama-Biden
I’m stopping now – promise.
CitizenB
Hope all’s well.
My latest blog entry is as a result of the debate, my hyperactive mind, obsessive list-making, and lack of a life:
In last night’s debate, McCain’s one so-called good sound bite was “I’m not President Bush.” Well, you could've fooled me! While I believe that Palin has a lot of Bush characteristics, below is a list of McCain-Bush similarities. Of course, these are my opinions only and I’m just a regular person (a tree-hugging centrist leaning to the left) and as Jeane calls me “a blue chick living in a red state.” (hi, Jeane!)
Same narrow focus,
Same arrogant indifference,
Same sarcasm,
Same sputtering answers,
Same self-righteousness,
Same spoiled brat reactions (we’re how old?),
Same condescension (“I admire your eloquence but you just don’t understand” blah blah blah),
Same self-praise (in Bush’s case a probable sign of an inferiority complex)
Same smirky facial expressions (plus a lot of blinking not to mention that creepy smile),
Same waving the patriotic flag a little too much,
Same “it’s my way or the highway” approach,
Same questionable judgment in selecting running mates (a total understatement),
Same son of privilege trying to prove his value and live up to a family legacy,
Same too much desperation to be President,
Same quick fix offers with no real substance (sure, I can balance a trillion dollar deficit (once a surplus just 8 short years ago) and give you energy independence and health care in 4 short years, with tax cuts for all, all while continuing and/or starting a few wars! I’ll get ‘em!)
Same empty promises (see above),
Same view of use (abuse) of executive power (ditto for Palin and First Dude Palin),
Same “sweetheart” deals gone wrong,
Same alignment on the economy, Iraq and health care (all disastrous),
Same “let’s boost education by competition but not pay for it”,
Same support for appointment of ultra-conservative justices,
Same view against the constitutional right of choice for women (even more so than Bush - scary),
Same skewed view of women ala 1960, (Palin a role model for all women? In what decade? On what planet?)
Same support for tax cuts for the wealthy,
And last but not least,
Same trust in Phil Gramm (nuff said!) in matters of the economy including credit swaps, derivatives and all other disastrous deregulation of finance that has caused us to crash and burn.
Gosh. I’m surprised the list was that long. I really don’t want to spew the negative but I believe that McCain has sold out on a lot of issues just to get elected and he certainly is not the same 2000 “maverick-y” McCain (not that I would have voted for him then – I love you, Al Gore even if you’re incredibly boring). This country needs SIGNIFICANT change and IMO, Obama clearly has what it takes - plus a lot less irritating personal traits. Considering the mess we’ve gotten into (all while Bush has been vacationing in Crawford for the last 4 years) it’s going to take a lot of energy, focus, diplomacy, intelligence, realistic solutions, sacrifice, fairness, and emphasis on education (where it all starts), health care and other basic rights and responsibilities. We’ve got to get it right at home before we go out “liberating” others. We can’t act or fail to act based on fear.
Some of you may disagree in part or whole, but thanks for allowing me to get this off my chest.
I’ll stop now.
P.S. Joe the Plumber is faring okay…much better than most…there is real poverty in this country…so I don’t feel too bad if he can’t afford a bass boat.
Speaking of “Joes”…for the record, I never want to hear the term “Joe Six-Pack” again. We can do better than that.
Vote Obama-Biden
I’m stopping now – promise.
CitizenB
Friday, October 3, 2008
My Office! Transformed! Holy Zen!
Fellow Citizens:
This week’s blog is about the office:
As most of you know, I’ve worked in an insurance office for 11 years. It’s a typical suburban office building – not very exciting. The interior is “Joe Versus the Volcano” (before the volcano adventure part and without Tom Hanks) – all gray and beige – with harsh fluorescent lighting, acoustic ceiling tiles and multi-color industrial carpet that still manages to show coffee stains. There’s a lot of metal, molded plastic and faux wood finish fixed between cubicle walls. The typical office erector set. The “art work” is fairly sad. The muted landscapes somehow make nature totally uninteresting. There are windows but the metal blinds stay tightly closed to shut out glare on computer screens and to block heat or cold in that the air conditioning/heating system is fickle. (It’s totally possible to simultaneously have freezing feet and sweaty armpits in this building.) Live plants have been banned for years due to pest control issues and to prevent the spread of a yet to be detected flesh-eating fungus. (We are an insurance company – our job is to minimize risk - a/k/a happiness - of all kinds.)
The front and back lobby and central atrium aren’t very welcoming even though there was an obvious attempt to upgrade with plush emerald green carpet, diamond-patterned ceramic tile and a few club chairs for visitors. Long ago there was an actual human stationed at the front desk. One out of three times she would smile when you walked in. (I took notes.) Now there are wall-mounted telephones in front of locked doors leading to the offices. The elevators strain to move up and down four floors. I’ve always envisioned an elevator donkey laboring in the control closet. Break rooms and bathrooms are functional (mostly) but faded. The lady’s room is equipped with a pink couch and an old-fashioned bathroom scale. The men don’t have a couch or a scale. I looked. Why? Most men (besides perhaps Larry Craig) don’t commingle in bathrooms. The vending machines are at least 30 years old. A dollar bill has been jammed in the coke machine for weeks. Not that I eat them often but most of the candy bars taste like sand. Coffee is no longer provided by the company. Sorry, you must arrive alert. In the break room, there is an old 19” television with rabbit ears. Employees catch a few minutes of “The Price is Right” (with Drew Carey) on break and a group of Field Ops Support clerks tune in to “One Life to Live” at lunch. Those are the only two programs available.
Please know that I am not complaining. Generic is good. Work is good. A paper bunker is good. I love beige. In this economy, it probably won’t last long.
Besides I have happy things at my desk:
“William” a blue ceramic Egyptian hippo as a gift from the MET,
Frog figurine in the lotus position (ohm),
Stone sleeping black cat that is actually intended to keep one’s chopstick from touching the table,
Orange “Elvis” koziol tape dispenser,
Persian mouse rug – well worn,
Kiehl’s deluxe hand lotion “grapefruit”,
Purell hand sanitizer (the company’s attempt to prevent spread of germs and sick days),
Modern desk clock from Target,
Sushi plate to hold my ink pad, date stamp, and assorted pens,
Georgia O’Keefe cube/wall calendar to record birthdays,
Generic company issued desk calendar used to record telephone messages and doodles,
World Wildlife Fund Baby Animals calendar to record important dates like trials, mediations, deadlines etc. (ok, so I’m calendar-crazy),
Clay paper clip holder handcrafted by Aaron in 5th grade,
Decorative ceramic tile from Oaxaca used as a coaster,
Important reference books including Black’s Law Dictionary, Office Yoga, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook (Work)*, and Girls Rule!,
5 X 7 photo of the ultimate in cuteness: niece Micah in denim dress and pink cowboy boots,
First aid kit (I get paper cuts and bleed often),
My favorite gum eraser with the quote “O hateful error” by Julius Caesar, and last but not least,
“Burnout” cartoon depicting a wolf staring (not howling) at the moon with the caption “Moon, Shmoon.”
Whoa. I didn’t realize I had so many happy things on my desk. Now back to the purpose of this blog. There have been very recent dramatic changes. The building was sold not long ago and we, the insurance office, now lease space versus own the entire building – and it shows. Things are now under the direction of new ownership and the building manager, Sparkle (not spackle). Sparkle has an eye for Zen. Yes, we had to put up with wrecking balls and wet paint…and the lobby smelled like a barn for three days (due to new plantings/organic fertilizer in the central atrium), but, wow, you should see the place.
The new and improved central atrium has a teak floor (it could be bamboo), a beautiful stone wall, a water feature, live plants, and best of all, hanging art! The art consists of large, wispy, white kite-like mobiles and new, mod beehive-shaped light features in the lobby. There’s more…a new break room on the first floor and a remodeled bathroom with no-touch soap dispensers and faucets, self-flushing toilets (goodbye, Purell!), stainless steel sinks and stall doors, fancy miniature tile back splash and ultra-cool lighting. I want to move my paper bunker into the bathroom.
I’m almost done. The next best things to the bathroom and kites are the state-of-the-art vending machines. They shine like golden idols. I kid you not, the “beverage” machine is stocked with Monsters, Red Bulls, bottled Frappuccino, five kinds of juices, Perrier, V-fusion, assorted diet colas, sports drinks etc. It’s high tech with low-touch buttons and there’s no bending over to blindly fish around for your drink inside the trap door while cramping your wrist. A waiter practically hands you the bottle. Insert $1 and voila! Speaking of blindness, the snack machine actually has Braille on the selection buttons (an ADA requirement?) and is stocked with fresh-looking, somewhat edible snacks and items like Ramen noodles (just add water). I spend at least 10 minutes a day just staring at the machines. I would say that we're on our way to becoming a “W” hotel. Would it be too much to ask for a roof-top bar and a bathroom sofa that folds into a “heavenly bed”?
Thank you, Sparkle!
Have a great weekend.
*Important work survival topics:
How to stay awake and not drool in a meeting,
How to deal with the co-worker/teller of bad jokes,
What to do if you become intoxicated at the office picnic,
And other helpful hints.
P.S. It’s just too nice so I’m sure we’ll be moving out soon.
CitizenB
This week’s blog is about the office:
As most of you know, I’ve worked in an insurance office for 11 years. It’s a typical suburban office building – not very exciting. The interior is “Joe Versus the Volcano” (before the volcano adventure part and without Tom Hanks) – all gray and beige – with harsh fluorescent lighting, acoustic ceiling tiles and multi-color industrial carpet that still manages to show coffee stains. There’s a lot of metal, molded plastic and faux wood finish fixed between cubicle walls. The typical office erector set. The “art work” is fairly sad. The muted landscapes somehow make nature totally uninteresting. There are windows but the metal blinds stay tightly closed to shut out glare on computer screens and to block heat or cold in that the air conditioning/heating system is fickle. (It’s totally possible to simultaneously have freezing feet and sweaty armpits in this building.) Live plants have been banned for years due to pest control issues and to prevent the spread of a yet to be detected flesh-eating fungus. (We are an insurance company – our job is to minimize risk - a/k/a happiness - of all kinds.)
The front and back lobby and central atrium aren’t very welcoming even though there was an obvious attempt to upgrade with plush emerald green carpet, diamond-patterned ceramic tile and a few club chairs for visitors. Long ago there was an actual human stationed at the front desk. One out of three times she would smile when you walked in. (I took notes.) Now there are wall-mounted telephones in front of locked doors leading to the offices. The elevators strain to move up and down four floors. I’ve always envisioned an elevator donkey laboring in the control closet. Break rooms and bathrooms are functional (mostly) but faded. The lady’s room is equipped with a pink couch and an old-fashioned bathroom scale. The men don’t have a couch or a scale. I looked. Why? Most men (besides perhaps Larry Craig) don’t commingle in bathrooms. The vending machines are at least 30 years old. A dollar bill has been jammed in the coke machine for weeks. Not that I eat them often but most of the candy bars taste like sand. Coffee is no longer provided by the company. Sorry, you must arrive alert. In the break room, there is an old 19” television with rabbit ears. Employees catch a few minutes of “The Price is Right” (with Drew Carey) on break and a group of Field Ops Support clerks tune in to “One Life to Live” at lunch. Those are the only two programs available.
Please know that I am not complaining. Generic is good. Work is good. A paper bunker is good. I love beige. In this economy, it probably won’t last long.
Besides I have happy things at my desk:
“William” a blue ceramic Egyptian hippo as a gift from the MET,
Frog figurine in the lotus position (ohm),
Stone sleeping black cat that is actually intended to keep one’s chopstick from touching the table,
Orange “Elvis” koziol tape dispenser,
Persian mouse rug – well worn,
Kiehl’s deluxe hand lotion “grapefruit”,
Purell hand sanitizer (the company’s attempt to prevent spread of germs and sick days),
Modern desk clock from Target,
Sushi plate to hold my ink pad, date stamp, and assorted pens,
Georgia O’Keefe cube/wall calendar to record birthdays,
Generic company issued desk calendar used to record telephone messages and doodles,
World Wildlife Fund Baby Animals calendar to record important dates like trials, mediations, deadlines etc. (ok, so I’m calendar-crazy),
Clay paper clip holder handcrafted by Aaron in 5th grade,
Decorative ceramic tile from Oaxaca used as a coaster,
Important reference books including Black’s Law Dictionary, Office Yoga, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook (Work)*, and Girls Rule!,
5 X 7 photo of the ultimate in cuteness: niece Micah in denim dress and pink cowboy boots,
First aid kit (I get paper cuts and bleed often),
My favorite gum eraser with the quote “O hateful error” by Julius Caesar, and last but not least,
“Burnout” cartoon depicting a wolf staring (not howling) at the moon with the caption “Moon, Shmoon.”
Whoa. I didn’t realize I had so many happy things on my desk. Now back to the purpose of this blog. There have been very recent dramatic changes. The building was sold not long ago and we, the insurance office, now lease space versus own the entire building – and it shows. Things are now under the direction of new ownership and the building manager, Sparkle (not spackle). Sparkle has an eye for Zen. Yes, we had to put up with wrecking balls and wet paint…and the lobby smelled like a barn for three days (due to new plantings/organic fertilizer in the central atrium), but, wow, you should see the place.
The new and improved central atrium has a teak floor (it could be bamboo), a beautiful stone wall, a water feature, live plants, and best of all, hanging art! The art consists of large, wispy, white kite-like mobiles and new, mod beehive-shaped light features in the lobby. There’s more…a new break room on the first floor and a remodeled bathroom with no-touch soap dispensers and faucets, self-flushing toilets (goodbye, Purell!), stainless steel sinks and stall doors, fancy miniature tile back splash and ultra-cool lighting. I want to move my paper bunker into the bathroom.
I’m almost done. The next best things to the bathroom and kites are the state-of-the-art vending machines. They shine like golden idols. I kid you not, the “beverage” machine is stocked with Monsters, Red Bulls, bottled Frappuccino, five kinds of juices, Perrier, V-fusion, assorted diet colas, sports drinks etc. It’s high tech with low-touch buttons and there’s no bending over to blindly fish around for your drink inside the trap door while cramping your wrist. A waiter practically hands you the bottle. Insert $1 and voila! Speaking of blindness, the snack machine actually has Braille on the selection buttons (an ADA requirement?) and is stocked with fresh-looking, somewhat edible snacks and items like Ramen noodles (just add water). I spend at least 10 minutes a day just staring at the machines. I would say that we're on our way to becoming a “W” hotel. Would it be too much to ask for a roof-top bar and a bathroom sofa that folds into a “heavenly bed”?
Thank you, Sparkle!
Have a great weekend.
*Important work survival topics:
How to stay awake and not drool in a meeting,
How to deal with the co-worker/teller of bad jokes,
What to do if you become intoxicated at the office picnic,
And other helpful hints.
P.S. It’s just too nice so I’m sure we’ll be moving out soon.
CitizenB
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