Turkey v. Stinky Cheese

Fellow Citizens:

Happy Thanksgiving!

Early this morning, my home-home page (Slate) popped up with a "Turkey Wars" headline and an article "Don't Wet-Brine Your Turkey. Do Stir-Fry Your Sweet Potatoes."

Here's an excerpt:

"The biggest turkey trend this year is a push-back against wet brining, which the gastronomic press corps has promoted enthusiastically for the past decade or so. (Food Network star Alton Brown, for example, is a big fan.) Brining is the process of soaking the raw bird in a bath of salty—and sometimes spicy and/or sweetened—water in order to keep the breast meat moist and counteract the turkey's fundamental engineering flaw: The breast is done cooking long before the legs are. But this method isn't hassle-free. It's hard to find room in an overcrowded refrigerator for a bucketful of brine and bird. More important, as food-science maven Harold McGee pointed out in the New York Times this month, the extra salt in the turkey can botch the gravy. McGee is joined by other brine-resisters, like Thanksgiving guru Rick Rodgers, who, in Bon Appétit, recommends dry-salting the turkey 18-24 hours before cooking (which probably won't affect the gravy quite so much). Inspired by legendary chef and pre-salter Judy Rogers, the Los Angeles Times kvells over a similar technique. Saveur boasts a recipe from New Orleans chef Leah Chase in which the turkey is mostly cooked inside an aluminum foil packet, essentially steaming it en papillote. Others, like the gang at Cook's Illustrated, advise ditching the idea of a whole roast turkey. They advocate cooking it in parts instead. So does Mark Bittman of the New York Times, but he further thumbs his nose at tradition by rejecting the roasting custom altogether and recommending a braise."

The topic "to brine or not to brine" made me think about my encounter with Rachael Ray's TV production team at the Food Hall in Grand Central a while back, and the stupid question I was assigned to look into the camera and ask "Hi, Rachael. I'm B... from Texas and I was wondering how long do you brine a turkey to make it most flavorful?"

You see I knew it was a bad question and tried to convince the producer to allow me to ask a question about cheese, specifically stinky cheese.

This is how it all started.

I was in NYC to provide deposition testimony in an insurance coverage dispute/lawsuit. After the deposition, I was feeling pretty good (I thrive on answering questions + I knew our side was right and justice would be served) and decided to get off the uptown subway at Grand Central Terminal to check out the Food Hall, specifically Murray's Cheese Shop. I was in search of cheese, specifically stinky cheese as a present/souvenir for Andy. I'm good like that.

In the fairly crowded stalls, I found Murray's and the most knowledgeable cheese people on earth. I explained I was looking for a stinky, hard cheese. Of all the cheeses in the universe, the experts told me it was very rare to find a stinky cheese that was also hard. Most cheeses with a high level of smell are soft or blue. Of course, Andy prefers hard cheese that burns the nose. I, too, preferred a hard cheese for transportation purposes although I hadn't really thought about how much it would smell on the airplane home. I spent some time sampling hard, semi-stinky cheeses. My #1 choice cost an outrageous amount (like $40 a pound), so I settled on #2, a pungent mature mountain cheese with a kick ($9.99).

I was then approached by a well-dressed woman (a scout). She asked: "Do you know Rachael Ray of the Food Network?"
Me: "Of course, Ray-Ray and I go way back. I love her. Yummo!" (Okay I made that up.)
Scout: "Would you like to be on TV? We are filming the 'question of the day' for Rachael's show.
Me: "Can I ask about cheese, specifically stinky cheese?"
Scout: "Let's ask the producer. I think your outfit and dark hair will look good on TV." (white jacket, teal top and I was actually wearing a necklace that day!)

We walked toward a group of people, most standing around holding clipboards trying to look busy. There was a cameraman and a boom operator. I was introduced to the producer, his assistant and her assistant. The assistant's assistant asked me to sign a waiver. I asked the first assistant if I could ask a cheese-related question and explained that considering Rachael Ray is all about simple "30 minute meals" it would be great to get her feedback on a cheese plate as a meal. She smiled and said "Oh, that's a great idea, but let's chose something off the list."

The first assistant handed me a list of questions involving various cooking questions. I studied them and there was nothing remotely cheesy. Not being a real actor I said "I really can't relate to any of these because I don't cook." (I have to admit that once the cheese question was quashed my heart wasn't really in it.) She then pointed to the list and said "How about this one? How long do you brine a turkey to make it the most flavorful?"
Me: "Okay, I can do that one if I can substitute 'chicken' for 'turkey'. I have experience with brining chicken (once)."
We looked at the producer and he nodded with a go ahead. If the assistant producer wanted to kill me, she did so with a smile.

There were four takes and the very best one was botched because the boom operator was too short and the microphone dropped in to camera view. We had to go with #2 (just like my cheese selection).

I hung around for the next question. It came from a handsomish Italian guy working behind the counter at the fish market. He resembled Joey from "Friends" and he was very gregarious with his question and a natural in front of the camera. I said "You should be an actor" and he replied "Oh, I am an actor. I just work here to pay the rent." (Maybe he was Joey from Friends.) And no wonder he was so good, he was an actor that knew something about food. He also had a big fish for a prop. I had no idea what to do with my hands except clutch my cheese.

I'm not sure my question ever aired and I really don't care. It was a fun experience and better than the time I spotted Mario Batali (in goofy shorts and orange clogs) at La Guardia. Of course, like all "celebrities" he's much shorter in person.

CitizenB