Okay so it’s been brutally hot, I’ve been on airplanes and in hotels for a couple of months, and being the neurotic person I am…I fell off my own “Ya-Ya Health Challenge” wagon. Remember that long-ago (6 months has nearly passed) proposal for the ya-yas to get healthy? What was I thinking?
The good news is that I got back on today. It was kind of by force, but I did get back on. Andy and Aaron staged an intervention (oh, how the tables have turned) last night (we love you but you’re chunky, weak, in a rut, puffy etc.) and I was warned if I wasn’t out of bed for the 6:00 a.m. health assessment that a bull horn would be used. Yes, we own a bull horn.
So I’m up at 6:02 a.m. Aaron’s waiting in the kitchen in drill sergeant stance. (Andy got to sleep until 7:00 I guess because he’s “healthier” and his cholesterol is like one point lower than mine…) I’m allowed to sit and drink one cup of coffee until 6:15. I’m then ordered to weigh-in and actually give my weight - a figure normally kept between me and the doctor’s office. Me: “Most of that is water weight, you know.” Aaron: “Whatever.” He reports he will keep the weight stat confidential. I’m sure he already posted it on his myspace page. I’m then told to measure my waist and biceps. Me: “Biceps? I don’t have one.”
Also, Aaron is obviously a guy because he didn’t even think about a hip or thigh measurement. I didn’t offer. I would have given “ankle” if he asked. Of note, my ankles and the part of the arm where the biceps go are fairly skinny.
Next up: how many push ups and sit ups can I do? At 6:30 a.m.? The answer: 3 “modified” or girl push-ups (Aaron recorded “0” or zero) and 20 “crunches” (Aaron recorded another “0” or a big, fat zero). Girl can’t catch a break with the modifications. He then sighed “This is much worse than I expected.”
I’m then served a thick protein shake (in an orange juice glass! And after I refuse to make it myself!) and told that I can use the internet for a few minutes but only to recapture my user id and password on weightwatchers.com. Done (and I did sneak a peek at addictomatic.com).
There’s more. 30 minutes on the treadmill with more of an incline that I’m comfortable with. (Of course I’ll burn more calories this way but I’m in no condition to climb Mt. Everest – or even the big hill at the end of the street - just yet.) I managed to handle 3.5 at 3.5 mph for 31.30 minutes in a hot garage. Pretty wimpy, but there was sweat involved. It’s a start.
I could have gone longer on the treadmill but I had orders to be out the door by 8:30 today (and no later than 8:00 from now on). I’m not allowed to check my work e-mail at home…this causes too much sitting around and zoning out (true). It’s all about being productive in every aspect of my life!
I’ve used a lot of words like “forced” and “ordered” but you all know that I wouldn’t do any of these things if I didn’t want to. It’s called absolute stubbornness. We all need coaching on occasion. I’ll be on my own soon…Aaron starts back on a regular schedule at UD at 6:00 a.m. on Fri. (Thank goodness!)
Also, remember the “shoe fund” where I get paid $1 for every 30 minutes of exercise? Currently there is enough money to buy a pair of flip flops, but give me three more weeks, and I might be able to afford a nice pair of Wal-mart house shoes to kick around at ya-ya!
For all you ya-yas and over 40s out there, don’t give up. An inner athlete exists in all of us (even if it’s a Serbian discus-thrower.) Love you bunches,
CitizenB
Warning. Hideous "Before" Picture to follow. This is how I looked at 6:00 a.m. and with horribly swollen lymph glands (cleared up by massive doses of antibiotics.)
Fellow Citizens:
